Are You Willing To Let Kindness Have the Last Word?

I watched his eyes roll to the ceiling as his brain began to buffer.

A family member who very rarely gives compliments actually said something positive. “You did a great job!” he gleefully said to my cousin about a project he had worked on and was detailing to us.

We all were kind of stunned. Again, this family member is astute at snatching contempt out of the jaws of encouragement. He’s masterful at it. Hence, our amazement that something mildly uplifting emanated from him. Sure, it was only five words, but that was five more than usual, and we were all elated.

Then the buffering…

I watched it happen in real time. It felt like an hour, but I’m sure it was no more than 15 seconds. He was searching for something negative to say.

“Of course,” he started, as my stomach bottomed out at the thought of the words to come. I won’t say what he said because, honestly, it’s not worth repeating. But here’s what I kept mulling over long after he landed his insensitive remarks:

I don’t think it was conscious.

I don’t think he thought, “Now, what can I say that will cut the person down a few notches?”

I truly believe that he said something positive and encouraging, and then it felt wrong to leave it there. It felt weird to him. Then, I thought about how many times I had done this. How many times had I said something kind to someone, then instantly found a little sarcastic jab to get in under the guise of “joking.”

I can’t be alone. Have you done that? Have you noticed it in yourself? I know it’s easy to notice when it’s being done to us or around us, but it’s a lot more difficult to notice when we’re doing it.

So the question is:

Why is it so difficult to let kindness have the last word?

Why the little “bite” at the end? What is that?

I can’t speak for you. But I know, as I analyze it in myself, I realize that, at some level, I’m not internalizing God’s great love for me. I know that may sound like I’m overspiritualizing, but I don’t think I am. Look at what scripture says:

“Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” — Colossians 3:12

This is a scripture I’ve written about before and probably will again. It’s that important.

The kindness I extend is because of the kindness I’ve been shown. Conversely, if I’m unable to extend this kindness, it may indicate I’m not fully understanding what Christ did for me on Calvary.

So the little “negative buffering” example I had from my cousin caused me to check myself. Can I be kind? Just kind…nothing extra, no extraneous words masked as a joke or clever observation that negates the kindness at its core.

Can I give encouragement? Can I be gentle? Can I be merciful?

Can kindness have the last word even when I think other words are needed?

I’m challenging myself, and hopefully you, too. We live in a graceless, unkind, brutally harsh culture. The pure fruit of kindness would go a long way in encouraging people to “taste and see that the Lord is good.”

Because, honestly, if we are bitter… why would anyone ever want to try HIM?

Sherri Lynn
Evening Show Host, STAR 101.5 | Listen Now